Common Myths About Sexual Abuse Of Children

Myth:

"She was coming on to me, and really wanted me to do it."

Reality:

The victim had learned, by prior experience, that this behavior would be the only way to earn her what she had learned to understand as attention and affection. She then repeated this behavior, without knowing or understanding the consequences, as a way of reaching out for the love and approval she needed.

Myth:

"He could not have molested her, she is only a child and he will not even have sex with me."

Reality:

Many molesters are not interested in sexual activity with a CHRONOLOGICAL agemate, but will be quite interested in sexual activity with EMOTIONAL agemates. Many molesters are not capable of maintaining a relationship with adult boundaries.

Myth:

"It wasn't really abuse, because she enjoyed it too."

Reality:

The act is still abuse. The body will react to a physical sensation, without knowing the nature or goal of the physical act. The fact that the body responds in a positive way to a pleasurable sensation does not change the fact that the act was abuse, and causes confusion for the victim as well. The determining factor is: Whose needs are getting met?

Myth:

"If he didn't want to do it, he would have stopped him."

Reality:

The possibility of a child stopping a fully grown adult from doing what he wanted to do is very slim. When a boy is sexually molested by another male, he is filled with doubts regarding his own sexuality. Children are taught to obey when an adult or caretaker directs them to do something. This is a violation of his sense of trust and safety.

Myth:

"When a girl has sex with a younger boy, it isn't molesting, and there is something wrong with him if he can't enjoy it."

Reality:

Anytime a sexual act that takes place against someone's will or wishes is a matter of control, not sex. Rape is rape, regardless of which sex is the perpetrator, and it is not a sexual act. It is an act of power and control over someone who is powerless and being controlled. When a female is the offender, a boy will feel compelled to feel what he is expected to feel, rather than what he really does.

Myth:

"The child made up the story to keep me from being able to tell her what to do. She changed her story because she knew it was a lie, and no one would believe her."

Reality:

The child told about the event because she was in pain. She changed her story because there was pressure put on her to do so. The pressure may be intentional, or it may come from the family's inability to deal with the news that one of them has abused another. The abuser (and sometimes even the family) told her she would be responsible for the harm that would come to the family if she told. This is a lie, as the victim is never responsible for the act, or for the consequences of it.

Myth:

"When they turn 16, then they are old enough to know what they are doing and if they do have sex, it's because they want to."

Reality:

The child may look like an adult, but they do not have the experience to know the consequences of every act. It is the responsibility of the adult to know that it is wrong, and to not make excuses or alibis for the crime. Blaming the victim is an inability to take responsibility for one's own behavior.

Myth:

"I was just trying to teach her about sex, and what she should know and watch out for."

Reality:

The child has learned that her body is not her own, and that she has no right to say " no ". She has learned that others do not have to respect her boundaries, and that she does not even have boundaries. She has learned that she has to put the wants and needs of others above her own. She has learned not to consider her feelings where others are concerned. And, she has learned that she is not important enough to respect herself, or to be respected by others.

Myth:

"You can tell who is an offender just by looking at them."

Reality:

The offender can be anyone. An offender could be either sex and of any age. They can be fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and even grandparents. It is not uncommon for one victim to have multiple abusers.