God's Love and Forgiveness

"But God commendeth His Love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). God has been preparing me to see this love for some time now. I know that this goes much further back than I realized. Much needed healing began in my life some months ago when God had a friend speak to me to read a book titled "Codependent No More." I agreed to read it to get her off my back. God put this book on my heart one day on my way to Springfield but I told Him that I could not afford the book. I only had $15.00 to my name and it was Friday. I was picking Billy up and I did not even know how I was going to get gasoline money to take him back to Springfield the following Sunday evening. God spoke to my heart and told me to buy the book. He said that He would pay for the book. I trusted Him and obeyed Him.

Later that day I was led to talk to a man that I had not seen in two years. He asked me to meet him at Denny's Restaurant for coffee. I agreed and we met for coffee. As we talked about God and all that He had done in my life this man told me, "Bill, the things you are telling me are to me answered prayers from many years ago. I prayed that God would bring you into His Kingdom. I myself had given up on you. I have stopped praying. I have not seen any answered prayer in so long that I have quit praying. Your story has restored my faith. I am going to serve The Living God who Answers prayers."

I went to the car and got a "Prison to Praise" book to give him to read and to encourage him. When I handed it to him he told me that he had to pay me for this book. I told him, "no, I have an agreement with the man who sells them to me for 75 cents that I will not sell them." He then told me that God had spoken to his heart and told him to give me this. I refused to take what he was trying to hand me. He put it in my shirt pocket and walked away. Later when I looked I found a $100 bill in my shirt pocket. Now take from that the $9.90 that the book cost and it sounds to me like pretty good interest on God's part.

God was starting to teach me His law concerning obeying Him when He tells me to do something. I had taken almost $10 of the last $15 that I had and obeyed God in the way that He had told me to and that very day He increased what I had spent by ten times more. Even more than the blessing of the money was the healing in my heart that I received when I started reading the book. Many of the childhood hurts and scars were being opened up and God's Healing balm was being applied to these old wounds.

It was a month later when I went into the Peacemaker Bookstore in Marshfield, Missouri and the owner Patsy handed me two books on codependency. One was titled "A Christian Perspective on Codependency," and the other one was "Changes That Heal." We had been talking about the Christian bookstore in Camdenton, Missouri and Patsy asked me to take these books to the store in Camdenton and ask the owner to read them and then to pass them on to someone who needed them. Then she told me, "Bill, you take one and read it and give the other one to the store. When you finish trade books with her. "Again I was allowed to see the Love of God digging even deeper than I knew was possible. Oh I cried as the pain and joy of healing came about in my life. I was reading the "Christian Perspective on Codependency" at this time. I knew that I was now completely healed. Thank you Lord Jesus for Your Healing Power and Love.

I finished the book and traded it for "Changes That Heal." Well, I thought that I was completely healed. Now the Great Physician had turned on His x-ray and had searched my heart and found many more areas that needed to be healed. At last I was all healed. That is what I thought!

Just two weeks ago on March 1st, my birthday, I was having a real pity party. No one loved me. No one would tell me Happy Birthday. I went to several places hoping to hear someone say "Happy Birthday Bill." No one remembered! I would just go to Marshfield and try to make some sales. No one in Buffalo loved me. There I crossed paths with a young lady. One week earlier God had used me to be the vessel to lead her in the sinner's prayer as she asked Jesus to be her Lord and Saviour. This day she was full of questions. I could see that she needed a Christian close to where she lived who she could talk with when she had questions. God put it on my heart to take her to the bookstore and introduce her to Patsy. "Thanks Father, neat idea."

When He put this idea on my heart I asked her if she had been to lunch yet. She said, "no." "Great, come with me for lunch I have someone who I want you to meet." She agreed. While we were at the bookstore, Patsy went to one of the bookshelves and got a book. I thought it was for this young lady, but Patsy brought the book back to me and told me to get this book and read it. The name of the book was "Search For Significance." Well, I was broke again and did not want to tell anyone so I told her that I would get it later. She smiled and said; "no you need to read it now. It will help you very much in the ministry to which God has called you." So I got honest. "Patsy, if I take it today, I will have to pay you for it later." She smiled and said, "no you won't. You just take it. Read it and don't bring it back. God wants you to have this book." I almost cried.

It was the next day before I got around to even opening the book. I was in Ava to spend the night so Pastor Gary and I could go to Gainesville the next day. That night, away from all the cares of this ministry and the selling job that I do, I had time to sit and read the book. I did not read very far when tears started welling up within me again as I experienced more healing coming into my life. This book was telling me how much God loves me. This book brought to light many things that had happened in my life as a child that made me think that no one could ever love me. This book reminded me of all the times that I was told that I was no good and how I would never amount to anything. Oh I cried as I remembered these old, old hurts that I had buried so deeply, so deeply that no one would ever see them or ever know about them. As our God in all of His love shined His beacon light into my heart, I cried and cried, telling Him how much I Loved Him. I knew something was happening within me but I did not understand what it was.

This all happened while I was staying in the Evanglist quarters here at this church in Ava. Brother Gary and I had talked about this trip that I have to make to Virginia to be with Brother Mike George on death row. Brother Gary had experienced the calling that is on my life concerning this trip. He told me that he was going to send out some letters to churches and people to help raise the funds to make this mission possible. I really did not get too excited about this at the time. A few days later I walked into the house of my boss and asked him if there was anything that I needed to know. He handed me an envelope. I looked at it and saw that it was from the Ava Assembly of God Church. When I read the letter that Pastor Gary had sent out I wept tears that I could not hold back. No one had ever Loved me like this before. I read much Love in this letter. Someone was speaking out for me, for the whole world to hear. Someone had written this on paper and signed their name.

I got so excited that I wrote to an old friend of 26 years of friendship telling him what had happened to me. As I wrote I realized that this friend who I was writing to had done no less for me. He was a strong Christian when we met 25 years ago, but I was a sinner on my way to hell. This man would invite me to the church where he was a pastor and during the service he would tell everyone there that his friend Bill from Buffalo was there. This man had put his life and profession on the line every time he had told someone that I was his friend. Again I wept and cried as I came to realize God's Love through these two brothers in Christ Jesus. I could see God's Love for me through these two men.

This was a Saturday and as I went to the mailbox I saw a pickup truck coming down my gravel road about 60 miles per hour. I recognized that it was my adopted dad driving that fast. As I got to the mailbox I saw that he was turning towards the mailbox. In my heart I did not trust this man so I jumped into the ditch out of the road. He stopped and with the most pleasant voice that I ever remember hearing him use he asked, "how are you doing?" I, still scared and upset that he had caused me to jump to the ditch, screamed at him, "why are you driving so fast on this gravel road?" His bubble now being broken, he drove on down the road. When I realized what I had done, my heart was again broken. I went in and cried again.

I had made arrangements to be in Ava again the next day. After going to church in Lebanon for morning service, I drove to Ava and God ministered to me all the way there. I got there early enough that again I started reading the book. Again God started another phase of healing in me, allowing me to see how much He Loves and accepts me. In another message I will tell you more of this true story of God's Love and His Healing Power. Even how He gives those He Loves teddy bears. Throw off everything that hinders you and come to me. I will deliver you from all the problems that you face. You need only to trust in me. Trust in my goodness and my great love for you. I am working all things together for your good. Why do you worry? Have I not delivered you from the attacks of the enemy in the past? I will deliver you from each and every trial that you are faced with. Walk with me as you are transformed into my likeness. Walk with me as I reveal myself to you. Revealed in such a way that has longed been sought by others.

I have chosen you, you are special to me. Trust not in own understanding, but trust in me. I will fulfill all that I have promised you in a way that will FAR exceed all your expectations! I will show you secrets that man has longed to know of. You need only to seek my will and put your fleshly desires behind you. Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has entered into the heart of man, the things I have prepared for those who love me. Please trust me to bring all that I have promised you to pass.

Your Father,

God Almighty

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