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Posted by keithslittlesis : My big brother
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well since I found this site by chance after duing a search on suicide and Christians I thought to myself, 'why not share your story?'

First of all I have...had two brothers one who is now gone to be with Jesus  and the other who is still alive and well. Keith- my older brother and I- where extremly close. People often mistook us as husband and wife...even though I'm a little young for that. But yeah, we where always hugging on each other and reminding each other of our love.

Most older siblings resent the new babies of the family- but not him. I don't think he could have loved us or smothered and mothered us any more if he tried.

He started dating two years ago and the one girl friend he had cheated one him with his best friend. It broke Keith's heart and the day after he took his gun and shot himself. The two of us where the only ones home, and I was in the hallway, walking into his bedroom when he pulled the trigger. I was scared- so scared that I had somehow killed him. When my mom came home I couldn't speak. I went to school the next day only to be sent home after breaking down and finally crying.

Keith was a strong Christian and I knew that if he had let himself get down that low than I could get there to. It was only a few months later that my friend told me that I wasn't any higher than anyone else and that God was going to use me in a specail way that I pulled myself out of my depression and stopped thinking about killing myself as well.

Well...there's my sad story. It feels better after typing that all out since I haven't shared the whole story with anyone- not even my family...well, except my mom. Well, I can't wait to meet peoples here....


Hi, I'm sorry that happened. 

And I am glad that you shared it, I know its a very hard thing to do  and to talk about.  Losing a loved one no matter how they go is very hard, and makes us think what could I have done differently, how could I have prevented this from happening?

There is no answer except that it is all in God's plan for us and them.  Sad as it is, you are most likely right in that this happened to both bring you closer to God and so that he can use you for his glory.  He may use you in just telling your brothers story to help prevent someone else from doing the same thing when they read it above.  My prayers are with you so that God comforts you and that he reviles his purpose to you.

And as you said about meeting people here, I myself hope this forum grows large with many people, friends, love and grace.

God Bless

thank you.
Since I posted that there has sadly been a break out of suicide at my school and church- 7 attempts and 5who have actully died  so I have another thing to add to the origonal list: I was allowed to go through this pain so I could learn its okay to cry. I bottled it up for months and only just recently when my grandfather and grandmother took my to see his grave for the first time allowed myself to cry. At all of these funerals I've felt free to do so now.

and many thanks for the prayers.


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