God's Love and Forgiveness

"But God commendeth His Love toward us, in that, while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). God has been preparing me
to see this love for some time now. I know that this goes much further back
than I realized. Much needed healing began in my life some months ago when
God had a friend speak to me to read a book titled "Codependent No More." I
agreed to read it to get her off my back. God put this book on my heart one
day on my way to Springfield but I told Him that I could not afford the book.
I only had $15.00 to my name and it was Friday. I was picking Billy up
and I did not even know how I was going to get gasoline money to take him
back to Springfield the following Sunday evening. God spoke to my heart and
told me to buy the book. He said that He would pay for the book. I trusted Him
and obeyed Him.

Later that day I was led to talk to a man that I had not seen in
two years. He asked me to meet him at Denny's Restaurant for coffee. I
agreed and we met for coffee. As we talked about God and all that He had done
in my life this man told me, "Bill, the things you are telling me are to me
answered prayers from many years ago. I prayed that God would bring
you into His Kingdom. I myself had given up on you. I have stopped praying. I
have not seen any answered prayer in so long that I have quit praying. Your
story has restored my faith. I am going to serve The Living God who Answers
prayers."

I went to the car and got a "Prison to Praise" book to give him
to read and to encourage him. When I handed it to him he told me that he
had to pay me for this book. I told him, "no, I have an agreement with the
man who sells them to me for 75 cents that I will not sell them." He then told
me that God had spoken to his heart and told him to give me this. I
refused to take what he was trying to hand me. He put it in my shirt pocket and
walked away. Later when I looked I found a $100 bill in my shirt pocket. Now
take from that the $9.90 that the book cost and it sounds to me like pretty
good interest on God's part.

God was starting to teach me His law concerning obeying Him when
He tells me to do something. I had taken almost $10 of the last $15 that
I had and obeyed God in the way that He had told me to and that very day He
increased what I had spent by ten times more. Even more than the
blessing of the money was the healing in my heart that I received when I started
reading the book. Many of the childhood hurts and scars were being opened up
and God's Healing balm was being applied to these old wounds.

It was a month later when I went into the Peacemaker Bookstore
in Marshfield, Missouri and the owner Patsy handed me two books on
codependency. One was titled "A Christian Perspective on
Codependency," and the other one was "Changes That Heal."
We had been talking about the Christian bookstore in Camdenton,
Missouri and Patsy asked me to take these books to the store in Camdenton
and ask the owner to read them and then to pass them on to someone who
needed them. Then she told me, "Bill, you take one and read it and give
the other one to the store. When you finish trade books with her.
" Again I was allowed to see the Love of God digging even
deeper than I knew was possible. Oh I cried as the pain and joy of
healing came about in my life. I was reading the "Christian Perspective on
Codependency" at this time. I knew that I was now completely healed.
Thank you Lord Jesus for Your Healing Power and Love.

I finished the book and traded it for "Changes That Heal." Well,
I thought that I was completely healed. Now the Great Physician had
turned on His x-ray and had searched my heart and found many more areas that
needed to be healed. At last I was all healed. That is what I thought!

Just two weeks ago on March 1st, my birthday, I was having a
real pity party. No one loved me. No one would tell me Happy Birthday. I went to
several places hoping to hear someone say "Happy Birthday Bill." No
one remembered! I would just go to Marshfield and try to make some sales.
No one in Buffalo loved me. There I crossed paths with a young lady. One week
earlier God had used me to be the vessel to lead her in the sinner's
prayer as she asked Jesus to be her Lord and Saviour. This day she was full
of questions. I could see that she needed a Christian close to where she
lived who she could talk with when she had questions. God put it on my heart
to take her to the bookstore and introduce her to Patsy. "Thanks Father,
neat idea."

When He put this idea on my heart I asked her if she had been to
lunch yet. She said, "no." "Great, come with me for lunch I have someone who
I want you to meet." She agreed. While we were at the bookstore, Patsy
went to one of the bookshelves and got a book. I thought it was for this young
lady, but Patsy brought the book back to me and told me to get this book and
read it. The name of the book was "Search For Significance." Well, I was
broke again and did not want to tell anyone so I told her that I would get
it later. She smiled and said; "no you need to read it now. It will help
you very much in the ministry to which God has called you." So I got
honest. "Patsy, if I take it today, I will have to pay you for it later." She
smiled and said, "no you won't. You just take it. Read it and don't bring it
back. God wants you to have this book." I almost cried.

It was the next day before I got around to even opening the
book. I was in Ava to spend the night so Pastor Gary and I could go to
Gainesville the next day. That night, away from all the cares of this ministry and
the selling job that I do, I had time to sit and read the book. I did not
read very far when tears started welling up within me again as I
experienced more healing coming into my life. This book was telling me how much God
loves me. This book brought to light many things that had happened in my life as
a child that made me think that no one could ever love me. This book
reminded me of all the times that I was told that I was no good and how I would
never amount to anything. Oh I cried as I remembered these old, old hurts
that I had buried so deeply, so deeply that no one would ever see them or
ever know about them. As our God in all of His love shined His beacon light into
my heart, I cried and cried, telling Him how much I Loved Him. I knew
something was happening within me but I did not understand what it was.

This all happened while I was staying in the Evanglist quarters
here at this church in Ava. Brother Gary and I had talked about this trip that
I have to make to Virginia to be with Brother Mike George on death row.
Brother Gary had experienced the calling that is on my life concerning
this trip. He told me that he was going to send out some letters to
churches and people to help raise the funds to make this mission possible. I really
did not get too excited about this at the time. A few days later I walked
into the house of my boss and asked him if there was anything that I needed
to know. He handed me an envelope. I looked at it and saw that it was
from the Ava Assembly of God Church. When I read the letter that Pastor Gary
had sent out I wept tears that I could not hold back. No one had ever Loved me
like this before. I read much Love in this letter. Someone was speaking out
for me, for the whole world to hear. Someone had written this on paper and
signed their name.

I got so excited that I wrote to an old friend of 26 years of
friendship telling him what had happened to me. As I wrote I realized
that this friend who I was writing to had done no less for me. He was a
strong Christian when we met 25 years ago, but I was a sinner on my way to
hell. This man would invite me to the church where he was a pastor and
during the service he would tell everyone there that his friend Bill from Buffalo
was there. This man had put his life and profession on the line every time
he had told someone that I was his friend. Again I wept and cried as I
came to realize God's Love through these two brothers in Christ Jesus. I could
see God's Love for me through these two men.

This was a Saturday and as I went to the mailbox I saw a pickup
truck coming down my gravel road about 60 miles per hour. I recognized that
it was my adopted dad driving that fast. As I got to the mailbox I saw that
he was turning towards the mailbox. In my heart I did not trust this man so I
jumped into the ditch out of the road. He stopped and with the most
pleasant voice that I ever remember hearing him use he asked, "how are you
doing?" I, still scared and upset that he had caused me to jump to the ditch,
screamed at him, "why are you driving so fast on this gravel road?" His bubble
now being broken, he drove on down the road. When I realized what I had
done, my heart was again broken. I went in and cried again.

I had made arrangements to be in Ava again the next day. After
going to church in Lebanon for morning service, I drove to Ava and God
ministered to me all the way there. I got there early enough that again I started
reading the book. Again God started another phase of healing in me,
allowing me to see how much He Loves and accepts me. In another message I will
tell you more of this true story of God's Love and His Healing Power. Even
how He gives those He Loves teddy bears.

Throw off everything that hinders you and come to me. I will deliver
you from all the problems that you face. You need only to trust in me. Trust in
my goodness and my great love for you. I am working all things together
for your good. Why do you worry? Have I not delivered you from the attacks of
the enemy in the past? I will deliver you from each and every trial that
you are faced with. Walk with me as you are transformed into my likeness. Walk
with me as I reveal myself to you. Revealed in such a way that has longed
been sought by others.

I have chosen you, you are special to me. Trust not in own
understanding, but trust in me. I will fulfill all that I have promised you in a way that
will FAR exceed all your expectations! I will show you secrets that man
has longed to know of. You need only to seek my will and put your fleshly
desires behind you. Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has entered into
the heart of man, the things I have prepared for those who love me. Please
trust me to bring all that I have promised you to pass.

Your Father,

God Almighty

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