The Lords Prayer, Translated for the 90's

This is really makes you stop and think!

(person)- 'Our Father which art in heaven...'

(God)---Yes?

(person)- Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

(God)---But you called me.

(person)-Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our Father which art in heaven..."

(God)---There you did it again.

(person)-Did what?

(God)---Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven."
Here I am...What's on your mind?

(person)-But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just
saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.

(God)---All right. Go on.

(person)-"Hallowed be thy name..."

(God)---Hold it. What do you mean by that?

(person)By what?

(God)---By "hallowed be thy name"?

(person)-It means... it means... Good grief, I don't know what it
means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?

(God)---It means honored, holy, wonderful.

(person)-Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed"
meant before. "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as
it is in heaven."

(God)---Do you really mean that?

(person)-Sure, why not?

(God)---What are you doing about it?

(person)-Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of
neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.

(God)---Have I got control of you?

(person)-Well, I go to church.

(God)---That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's
the way you spend your money---all on yourself. And what about
the kind of books you read?

(person)-Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest
of those people at the church.

(God)---Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done.
If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are
praying for it. Like you, for example.

(person)-Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that
you mention it, I could probably name some others.

(God)---So could I.

(person)-I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really
would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to,
you know, be really free.

(God)---Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together, you
and I. Some victories can truly be won. I'm proud of you.

(person)-Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot
longer than it usually does. "Give us this day, our daily bread."

(God)---You need to cut out the bread. You're overweight as it is.

(person)-Hey, wait a minute! What is this, "Criticize me day"?
Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break
in and remind me of all my hang-ups.

(God)---Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed,
you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called
me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying,
I'm interested in the next part of your prayer...(pause).
Well, go on.

(person)-I'm scared to.

(God)---Scared? Of what?

(person)-I know what you'll say.

(God)---Try me and see.

(person)-"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."

(God)---What about Ann?

(person)-See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord,
she's told lies about me, spread stories about my family. She never
paid back the debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!

(God)---But your prayer? What about your prayer?

(person)-I didn't mean it.

(God)---Well, at least you're admitting it. But it's not much fun
carrying that load of bitterness around inside, is it?

(person)-No. But I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have
I got some plans for that neighbor. She'll wish she had never moved
into this neighborhood.

(God)---You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't
sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change all that.

(person)-You can? How?

(God)---Forgive Ann. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin
will be Ann's problem and not yours. You will have settled your heart.

(person)-Oh, you're right. You always are. And more than I want to
revenge Ann, I want to be right with you....(pause)...(sigh).
All right. All right. I forgive her. Help her to find the right
road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that
I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does
to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the
right way.

(God)---There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?

(person)-Hmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I feel
pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed
uptight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe
I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest.

(God)---You're not through with your prayer. Go on.

(person)-Oh, all right. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver
us from evil."

(God)---Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.

(person)-What do you mean by that?

(God)---Don't turn on the TV when you know the laundry needs to be
done and the house needs to be picked up. Also, about the time
you spend coffee-ing with your friends, if you can't influence the
conversation to positive things, perhaps you should re-think the
value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbors and
friends shouldn't be your standard for "keeping up". And please
don't use me for an escape hatch.

(person)-I don't understand the last part.

(God)---Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in
a bad situation. You get into trouble and then you come running to
me, "Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise you I'll never
do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to
make with me?

(person)-Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord. I really am.

(God)---Which bargain are you remembering?

(person)-Well, there was the night that Bill was gone and the children
and I were home alone. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the
roof would go any minute and tornado warnings were out. I remember
praying, "Oh, God, if you spare us, I'll never skip my devotions
again."

(God) --did you?

(person)-I'm sorry, Lord, I really am. Up until now I thought that if
I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I
liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like it did.

(God)---Go ahead and finish your prayer.

(person)-"For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory
forever." Amen

(God)---Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really

make me happy?

(person)-No, but I'd like to know. I want now to please you. I can see
what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would
be to really be one of your followers.

(God)---You just answered the question.

(person)-I did?

(God)---Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people
like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us.
Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way,
well, there is no telling what we can do together.

(person)-Lord, let's see what we can make of me, OK? Amen!

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